I Am The Walrus

Texans vs. ChiefsI haven’t really been in a rant writing mood so far this nfl season. idk why. most likely a combination of a repetitive schedule and apathy. How many times can you say that Maryland is a smelly, less significant version of Virginia that cares more about its stupid state flag and fuckin crabs than the wellfare of its decaying population? I mean it’s all true, but the novelty kind of wears thin after awhile. Well after watching the bloated corpse formerly known as Ben Roethlisberger chuck up 5 ints last week while being out played by the garbage king himself (blake squirtles) let’s just say the desire has returned. So this week we play the chiefs, the ‘best’ team in football. They’re 5-0 for the first time since 2013 when they started 9-0. You know how that season ended? By blowing a 28 point lead to the colts in the first round of the playoffs. Congrats KC! you made choking fashionable long before the falcons perfected it. It must really suck knowing that no matter how successful you are season after season you have a gut wrenching defeat waiting for you somewhere in january, and andy reid is there to wipe his penis all over your face. This dude is a great coach when it doesn’t matter. He transformed 2 franchises from bottom feeders into perennial contenders, only to stuff all the hope he created up his butt when the playoffs roll around. He must view clock management the same way he views portion control, because this walrus looking fuck refuses to change how he calls plays. Up 20 points with 12 minutes left? Call 16 straight pass plays. Down 16 with 8 minutes left? Go on the most time consuming drive of the season. YOUR PAST 3 PLAYOFF LOSSES WERE VERY WINNABLE ANDY, IF ONLY YOU’D LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES AND REALIZE THAT THE CLOCK, MUCH LIKE YOUR SECOND DINNER, IS NOT YOUR FRIEND (yes, i see the irony in me calling someone else fat but fuck him and his stupid mustache.) Alex smith is still their quarterback, and honestly, i think he’s had a really underrated career. He’s the qb that everyone agrees is good but no one wants. He also seems like a legit dude, but there is something off with him. Something i just can’t quite figure out. It’s the way he smirks or something. I just picture him as the dude you bring to a strip club and he turns down a lap dance because he’s just there for a good sniff. Travis kelce, on the other hand, is the epitome of a frat boy that never actually went to class. The motherfucker is so in love with himself that i can honestly picture him looking into a mirror before every game while being wrist deep inside himself. I can almost guarantee you whenever he has sex he calls out his own name because that’s actually who he’s getting off too. Fuck this team and fuck all of you. Thanks for bringing back the rage

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