I woke up today with a weird sense of excitement and rage. I didn’t know why and I didn’t know what to do so I just hate chugged some coffee and screamed obsenties at my cats. As I sat there watching some ghost show about fat hillbillies searching for the ghost of Bigfoot or some shit, I began to internally debate whether or not to start a fight with my jagoff neighbor who keeps throwing trash off of his balcony. As I angrily stripped down to my beater and put on my fighting jorts, I realized that I didn’t actually want to fight my neighbor (EVEN THOUGH HE IS A TRASH SPEWING SHIT DUMPSTER) and that this weird sensation could only mean one thing………Football is back you fucking jabronis! I’m as happy as Daniel Snyder maniacally pissing on an indian burial ground.