Tiger Woods Gets Arrested For DUI, He’s BACK!

Unfortunately in America, lots and lots and lots of people get DUIs. Tiger Woods is now one of them. Because he is a very largely recognizable and famous figure, this has been blown up in the media and around the sports world. Just another thing for an already unstable Tiger to deal with. But that isn’t the reason for this write up. Tiger made this statement earlier tonight:

He says alcohol was not involved and that it was an unexpected reaction from prescribed medication. Ummm, hold on….

This mugshot doesn’t say, unexpected reaction to medication.

This says, I downed two bottles of pineapple Burnetts, shotgunned a few Natty Lights, and chugged an Irish car bomb or seven before heading down to Chasers for penny pitchers night where I ended up doing a couple lines off a blonde hooker in the bathroom and thought I was qualifying for the Daytona 500 while driving home.

And, truthfully, if that is the real story….look out PGA Tour, because TIGER IS BACK BABY! That is the Tiger we need. Party Tiger is the best Tiger. Watch out golf world! He will be ripping laser 2-iron stingers, stuffing 6 irons from 220 out and dropping bombs all over the greens. Fist pumping in everybody’s face. Lets gooooooo.

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