A Message to you Ingrates: Suck Farts

I love football. I love this state. I love the mountaineers. I love all of you, but I hate some of you as Mountaineer football fans. We’re on the cusp of a 10 win season and some of you are sticking your nose up at it? gtfo. Where do your expectations come from? Definitely not from watching WVU football because this would only be our second 10 win season in the past 10 seasons. We’re not Alabama. We’re not Ohio State. No one who plays high school football outside of this state says “Man, I really hope that one day I play for WVU!” We’re underdogs, always have been. The same skindicks that are calling for Holgs’ job right now haven’t shut their mangled meatholes since about week 6 of 2012. It’s infuriating. even when we win I still hear it. “GAHHHH DANA DWINKS WED BULL AND YELLS TOO MUCH. HE ONLY WEAR DAT ALL BLACK BECAUSE HE WORSHIPS SATAN WITH OBAMA AND SHOVES COAL ROCKS UP HIS BUTT INSTEAD FINDING CLEAN BURNING COAL.. HARF HARF GURBLEE.” Fuck the lot of you. Remember a couple of years ago when Clay Travis wrote an article about how shitty our fanbase was and everyone flipped out? Did you know he still gets shit for that? Guess what? He did that with about 20 other teams too but none of them acted like a blob of pompous shit moles because it was tongue and cheek. Satire. Written for shits and giggles. Yet he received death threats and a slew of grammatically incorrect hatemail that he gleefully shared with the public because people can’t differentiate a joke from an insult. That makes us look about as ignorant as the rest of the country already assumes we are. Smarten up ya jabronis. Oh and Skyler I had your back man until your senior day interview. Honestly, when you spoke out about being booed last time it really did stop. people actually listened. it only reemerged when you coughed up the ball 3904948 times against Oklahoma. I have a secret for you buddy……..anybody is getting booed in that situation. Shit I once spent an entire half booing Pat White because his brother threw me out in softball earlier in the week. I would’ve kept going but eventually someone asked me why I was booing Pat and I threw a cigar butt off their chest and then fell in a puddle. I got what I deserved. Anyway, we had your damn back Skyler but you had go and act all mopey. “MERRRR SENIOR WEEK IS JUST ANOTHER CHANCE FOR THEM TO BOO ME ONLY NOWW THEY GET TO BOOO MY MOMMY TOO.” Damn it man. I really worked hard to like you, just liked you worked really hard to become a legitimate college quarterback. You’re honestly good man, no need for this shit. Reminds me that you initially left a bad taste in my mouth from the get go when my former roommate tweeted you to come drink with us back in 2014 when you signed here. You Favorited his tweet but never stopped by. We were right by the stadium too. I was going to let you bong my rare orange keystone out of my precious beerbong (ke$ha) but you never showed up. Sad. I hope you throw 8 touchdowns this week and leave the field to a standing ovation, only once you get in the locker room Holgs makes you get on your knees and eat a diaper sandwich (i’m just assuming Dana has a diaper fetish) for being a distraction.

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