Having a Wedding After Labor Day Should Be a Felony

It is a well known fact to all sports fans that wedding season is from April to August. With January and February also being an option. Those are the only acceptable weekend reservations. Period.

So when you receive an invitation in the mail for a fall Saturday, what are you supposed to do?

Easy. You put a $100 bill in the RSVP envelope, place a check next to “respectfully declines,” and include a picture of your hand with your middle finger extended. That is simply the only rational response. Because only an absolute psycho would choose to get married in the fall. And we all know that the women make the rules, but if you have a woman that doesn’t “get it” so much as to force you to take the plunge in the middle of football season, then maybe you need to run very quickly away from that potential disaster.

And ladies, you need to respect us men enough to know that NOBODY wants to attend a fall wedding. We just go because we have to. And you think we are watching intently as you walk down the aisle, but the reality is, we are 100% checking our phones to see the score of the Purdue-Ball State game. Because, and this is not at all untrue, we don’t give a shit about you, your shitty hors d’oeuvres, the electric slide, or any other part of your “perfect day” and we probably have $20 on Ball State +13 and that is ALL that matters.

So please, understand that football season is more important than you. It is the most sacred part of the year and needs to be recognized as such. So don’t ever, ever, EVER touch football season. DON’T TOUCH IT!

I was at about a 6 there, you don’t want to see me go to 10.

One of our own is currently facing this dilemma and having a tough time deciding what to do (his wife is deciding for him). We as fans, as real men, need to interject into this very real, very sad problem for our buddy TheGamedayShorts. Pinto, you have to fight for all that is right in this world. Not once (Missouri-WVU) but twice (Kansas State-WVU). TAKE A STAND! ITS ABOUT PRIDE! YOU WILL NOT GIVE IN!

HOIST THE BATTLE FLAG! FIND A GOOD ROCK FOR COVER! AS THE HILLS OF WEST VIRGINIA RESOUND WITH THE SOUND OF PINTO STANDING UP AGAINST PEOPLE HAVING WEDDINGS IN THE FALL!

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