Quick, without thinking, what’s the biggest upset in sports history? What’d you say? The 1980 US Olympic Hockey team? Maybe Tyson getting beat by Buster Douglas? Perhaps the Giants beating the undefeated Patriots in Super Bowl XLII? All of them were near certainties compared to what soccer fans have witnessed over the past 9 months. With Tottenham’s draw against Chelsea today, Leicester City clinched the 2015-2016 Premier League title. The odds of it happening? 5000:1.
Let that sink in for a minute. 5000 to fucking 1. It’s unfathomable. For context, the US Olympic Hockey team was only 1000:1 to win the 1980 Gold Medal. Leicester were 5 times less likely to win the League than that. And it’s not even like they had the benefit of winning a one-off game or even a single elimination tournament. They had to be the best team over the course of a 38-week marathon, and despite the odds, they were.
In our group text, my buddies and I were flipping back and forth between genuine admiration and genuine disbelief. Then one of us started to mention other things with 5000:1 odds, which turned into unlikely things that are still more like than Leicester winning the League, which actually was a pretty fun game that I want to expand on here. So let’s. Here’s a list of 10 hilariously unlikely things that were still wayyyyy more likely than Leicester City winning the Premier League..
1) Buster Douglas beating Mike Tyson (42:1)
The biggest upset in boxing history was about 100 times more likely than the season Leicester had.
2) West Virginia winning the 2017 CFB National Championship (100:1)
50 times more likely than Leicester winning the Premier League, and 3 times more likely to win it than Pitt. It’s disgusting how much of a sense of superiority that second part makes me feel.
3) Mitt Romney gets elected president (200:1)
Is Mitt Romney still alive? I suppose he must be right? What the hell is he doing with himself right now? He could have sleep-walked through this Republican field (again) and wouldn’t even have to deal with an incumbent this time.
4) Write a best-selling novel (220:1)
Move over JK Rowling. Get stabbed in the gut by your sworn brothers GRRM. Best-selling author Jordan Pinto is fucking inbound.
5) Pitt winning the 2017 CFB National Championship (300:1)
3 times less likely than WVU. Also less likely than me becoming a best-selling author. Just saying.
6) Being born with 11 fingers or toes (500:1)
Weird. So statistically I’ve probably met like 3 people with 11 fings/toes. Huh.
7) Catching a ball at a MLB game (563:1)
Seems way low. This is basically impossible. Even when it’s hit right to you you have to fight off seven dads with no regard for human life. Like I wasn’t gonna give the ball to your 4 year old daughter anyways.
8) Dying from an injury in the next year (1820:1)
Hmm. There’s nothing really that funny about this one.
9) Fatally slipping and falling in the bath/shower (2280:1)
This one either. I mean, the falling is pretty funny. Dying from it is not.
10) Injuring yourself while mowing the lawn (3623:1)
This last one though.. Darwinism at its finest.
And for fun, here’s 5 other things with 5000:1 odds..
1) Hitting a Hole in One
Speaking from experience, I feel like this is way too low. Maybe I should try the Masters Par 3 course. Seems like they happen there all the time.
2) Catastrophic asteroid collision in the next 100 years
Hopefully Bruce Willis and Co. are still around willing to risk their lives. Not sure who’s gonna step into that Michael Clark Duncan role though. Huge shoes to fill.
3) Elvis Presley proven to be alive
Ideally would be chilling with Johnny Cash. In a bush. Eating cake.
4) The Yeti or Loch Ness monster proved to exist
I thought we were all agreed that these are both real? I can’t be the only one who watches the History and Discovery Channels..
5) Kim Kardashian to be elected President in 2020