Deflategate is the dumbest controversy in a league filled with dumb controversies

Yesterday was going pretty swell as far as Mondays were concerned. I woke up, had a hearty yet healthy breakfast, and I was actually able to browse my Facebook newsfeed without being consumed by rage. A true rarity. Then around noon my day…..scratch that… took a turn for the worse: deflategate was back. Son of a bitch.

Let me just state that I hate the patriots. I hate them almost as much as I love the Steelers. I hate their buttchinned messiah and his handsome wife. I hate this franchise more than Roger Goodell hates the sound of children laughing. Whenever I see a picture of Bill Belichick my blood pressure spikes by at least 20 points and I get a rush of blood to my penis that creates an unrelenting rage boner of pure hatred. Now having said all of that, Brady should have never been suspended and this story should have ended over a year ago.

Every team deflates their balls. Seriously. Even after this story broke Aaron Rodgers and Brad “shitknees” Johnson came to Brady’s defense saying that they instructed their ball boys to do similar things. It’s truthfully not a rare occurrence. The only problem is the rest of the NFL hates the Patriots almost as much as I do and pressured Overlord Goodell into pursuing the issue as a penance of sorts for how badly he muffed up spygate years ago. Now those same owners have created a monster in the form of a commissioner that has seemingly unlimited power and won’t take no for answer. Oh and Just a reminder, this whole thing started on a tip from the Ravens because they were upset that the Patriots used an “illegal” trick play to help beat them in the playoffs. Add that to the never ending list of reasons to hate both the Ravens and the entire state of Maryland as a whole. Bunch of crab eating, flag worshiping, sacks of sea barring shit trying to pretend they’re cultured when they’re really just a shittier version of Virginia. Shitiots. I digress. All that matters is deflategate is never going away and my life is going to suck for the next 5 months because of it. This video sums up my feelings toward deflategate more than words ever could.





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