My Top 5 Things In Sports

This is my view on the Top 5 things in sports:

  1. College Football Bowl Season(The Shitty Bowls)

Bowl season is just awesome. Sure we all get excited for the BCS and now the CFP games. But not me. I love the two weeks of ridiculous bowl names with ridiculous matchups. Popeyes Bahamas Bowl with Western Michigan and Middle Tennessee State at noon on a Tuesday?

Hell yeah I’m watching that. Plus Popeye’s chicken commercials the whole time? Sign me up. The Little Caesers Pizza Bowl, Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl? Yeah, I’m watching all of those. And don’t even get me started on the Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl. Have you ever had Zaxby’s? It makes Chik-Fil-A look like prison food. Bangin. And most of the games end up being absolutely crazy. You have shootouts with a million points. You have last second miracles. There is always something in these games. I mean look at this box score.

Screen shot 2016-04-09 at 11.54.39 PM

This is not normal. The coaches don’t hold anything back and it is extremely entertaining every year. Love it. Tell me these games don’t mean anything too. A brawl at the Miami Beach Bowl? Bowl season has everything.

  1. Start/Finish of the Indianapolis 500

This one is easy for me because I have experienced this event many times. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like racing or know anything about it. The Indy 500 is an amazing sporting event. It isn’t NASCAR. Not even close. There is nothing boring about it. The cars are 50mph faster, they pass constantly, and they can’t bump or they destroy a million dollar race car and crash in spectacular fashion.

Oh, and there are 250,000 people in attendance. The infield is 50,000+ college aged kids that have no idea a race is even going on. It is a straight up party. The people watching, alone, is worth the trip.

And if you are the least bit interested in the actual race, it is not called “the greatest spectacle in racing” for nothing. The cars start traditionally 3 wide and scream into turn 1 at 230mph. If they come out in one piece, they pull kamikaze moves and challenge each other for 500 miles.

The finishes over the years have gotten better and better too. Last lap crashes and passes that are beyond insane. Just go once and you’ll be hooked.

Fun Fact: When I was about 8 years old, I witnessed 2 pretty awesome things at the Indy 500. College kids in turn 3 started throwing all their beer cans into a pile. It started with about 20 cans, then 50, then 100. Within and hour, this pile was every bit of 8-10 feet tall. Not joking. Probably 5,000 cans of beer in an enormous pile. Oh, and I saw boobs.

  1. Masters Sunday

Everybody knows the Masters. Even non golf enthusiasts enjoy everything about the Masters. The beauty and perfection of Augusta National. The random traditions that go along with the tournament. I mean I have to fight the urge to eat a pimento cheese sandwich and drink sweet tea every time I hear this song.

And when the leaders tee off on Sunday, you know you are about to be in for 4 hours of pure joy until the winner puts on the green jacket.

Come on.


Masters Sunday is simply a perfect* sports day.


* As long as Bubba is nowhere near the top of the leaderboard. That guy sucks.

  1. NHL Playoff Game 7

Of all the big 4 professional sports leagues, nothing even comes close to the intensity and entertainment value that a Stanley Cup playoff game 7 provides. It is chaos. The fans are out of their minds the whole game and the atmosphere is second to none.

I went to a 1st round game 1 of a Penguins-Flyers series a few years back and it was insane. Fairly certain I suffered hearing loss and did irreversible damage to my voice from screaming the whole time. And that was just game 1!

Game 7 is a whole different story. The players beat the shit out of each other until the final horn. Then they shake hands like men, usually while bleeding. Think that would ever happen in the NBA? Not a chance. Lebron gets a cramp and has to be carried off the court by 4 guys all while acting like he got shot.

These guys literally have died in games and have tried to go back and finish their next shift. Seriously.

And if we are lucky enough to get a game 7 in the Stanley Cup final, look out. You tell me you don’t get chills watching a toothless bearded guy hoisting the Cup above his head screaming like a child, I tell you to kick rocks.

  1. First Weekend of the NCAA Tournament

This is it. The pinnacle of sports entertainment. The entire country shuts down for this weekend. You have your bracket filled out. There is money being bet all over the place. Zero work getting done in any office. Grown men are giddy about the 13 over the 4 upset they picked. Other guys are cussing at TVs in public places because the mighty Lehigh Mountain Hawks are about to upset some team called Duke. Non stop games for 4 days. Upsets everywhere. Brackets busted. It is the best weekend in sports. The rest of the tournament is great, but the chaos of the first weekend makes it that much better. It all just goes so fast. Find me something that makes the entire country stop, drop everything and watch like March Madness. You can’t.

Honorable Mention:

MLB Opening Day

The different ends of the opening day spectrum are hilarious. If your team wins, you are guaranteed to have all kinds of idiots that say “ohhhh 162-0, see you in the World Series”.

If your team loses, cancel the season. You have no chance. Blow up the team and hit the free agent market.

All these takes are obviously wrong and the season is so long and so many things can happen in the next 5 months.

But, if you are a Phillies fan, you might want to actually cancel the season and maybe just find another hobby to keep you busy until football season.

First tailgate/game of the college football season for your team

So much optimism. So much enthusiasm. So much beer/food. College football in general is the best. But being around 60,000 people that are just as dumb as you makes it that much better.

Ryder Cup

USA vs Europe. Or basically America vs Ian Poulter. What a douche. We need that trophy and we need Patrick Reed to fight Poulter. For America.

WNBA Playoffs

Hahahahaha. Yeah right.

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